you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
