Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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