Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We're too hungover to prance.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
