yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
