Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
