walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize