how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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