Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
