My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
