I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
