"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just pee around me
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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