xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
