What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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