Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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