would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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