Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
