He kissed a someone with a penis
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
