new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
