Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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