brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
