I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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