God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
