Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So much rum. So many feels.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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