If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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