the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
