It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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