im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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