I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
