Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
