People in love make me want to vomit
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
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