I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize