I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
