Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
