Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
