I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
