I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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