My friends, they love my intelligence
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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