Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
