why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
