he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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