I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
