wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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