Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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