every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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