I can text with my tongue
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
