I hope mine doesn't look like that
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
