I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes