Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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