What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
my liver is dry heaving
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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