Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
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Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
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I want to be your penis for a week.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.