YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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