Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize