We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Plural? Please tell.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.