omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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