and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
