he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
