had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
