I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
