If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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