You're my little dorito
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
