the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
