Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
