oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
BRING THE BAGELS
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
