Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
