you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
