this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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