I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
