Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
