After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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