I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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