did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
