I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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