Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
